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17 Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn

  1.  Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  2.  If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved,
       and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
  3.  There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
  4.  People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share
       yours with them.
  5.  And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver
       a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV
       with a bad hairstyle.
  6.  You should not confuse your career with your life.
  7.  No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
  8.  When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who
       perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that
       individual is crazy.
  9.  Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10.  Never lick a steak knife.
11.  Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12.  The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13.  You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we
       observe daylight savings time.
14. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion,
       economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that
       we are above average drivers.
15. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are
       not in them.
16. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
17. Your friends love you, anyway.